Weight Blogging

So many women out there obsessed with weight. It is, on occasion, very affirming and at times down right depressing. All struggling to fulfill our idea of what we should look like. Two weeks into BFL and I am starting to feel comfortable in my clothes. It's such a delicious feeling of looseness that it becomes tempting to say, oh yes this is fine, this is where i want to be. But then I look at those ghastly before photos and realise there is a way to go yet. If I knew how to link (Kim, where are you when I need you?) I would point you to a blog where someone posted a lovely bikini body. Now, I know that at 43 attaining this is 'pie in the sky', but wouldn't it be nice?

Today is Sunday and on this programme a free day to eat all those things you hunger for during the week of 'good' food and exercise. Funny thing is that eating chips and chocolates is just making me feel ill. I don't want to eat them today. I wanted them on Wednesday and Thursday. Our brains are such weird contrary beasts.

The house is full again, well 2 adults, 3 children, 2 more arriving tomorrow. But I had a lovely 'alone' time over the weekend. Even, in a fit of 'extremism', visiting my gym at 10.30pm last night. It was great, all alone on the rower. Completed my 20 minutes aerobic session and then home to a good book, bliss.

Alone at last

I have two whole nights and days alone in my house! Hurrah! I so look forward to being alone. No one to talk to, no one to feed, no one to have to care about. It's so refreshing and so hard to organise. Last year we had nine in the house. Me, my darling, my three children, his three children (half the time) and Jack our own son. Ages at one point in the year were 18, 17, 16, 15, 14, 13, and 9. So now you can see why I am so delighted to have two whole days and nights alone, alone, alone, yee-bloody-hah!

How I achieved this? Well... My oldest son now lives with his dad - closer to the uni, less noise and hassle. My Darling is away for three nights to farewell his oldest son off to Germany and took his other children to wave goodbye. That leaves two, and they are off to their dad's for the weekend. This will leave my normal household at seven this year, but just ONE this weekend. Me, me, me.

Now, it's all good except for one thing. I don't actually know what to do when I'm on my own. Too many years of 'mothering' has left me bereft of the ability to think for myself. Reading is obviously way, way up there as a preferred activity. Watching second son's game of rugby Saturday morning will figure, an evening out with the karate bods on Saturday night. I have study to do, so will block in a few hours each day for that and then...maybe a wee shopping spree? Winter sales are in full swing and I need boots and a skirt or two. Lunch in town to follow? Oh, and a karate class on Sunday morning. Sounds perfect. Double oh, oh - and fit Mass in there somewhere...maybe a Saturday Vigil. Triple oh, oh, oh - I've been invited out for tea tonight.

All so much fun and all just for me.

And best of all, Sunday fun-day to look forward to, and eating something delicious and decadent.

Another one down

Well, there is one less child in the house as of tomorrow, down to five. My stepson (18) is off to Germany. Roast pork for the farewell meal and then waffles with jam and cream for supper. Still deciding whether or not to eat a waffle. I’ll probably manage not to eat one. Roll on Sunday, 'free-eat' day!

Hunger pangs

The food is delicious, filling and I'm never hungry. So, why am I hungry? That sugar craving is intense at the moment, and my mind is saying, "Oh, just a little won't hurt", and the silliest one of all, "No one will know." As if anyone else, apart my poor sad self gives a toss about what I eat!

I just had the most scrumptious chicken wrap for lunch. Defrosted a tortilla in a fry pan, spread it with cream cheese and filled it with chicken (from last night), tomato, lettuce, cheese and salsa. MMMM mmmmm.

So, why am I hungry?

One week down

Day eight began as day one did, alarm clock mishap. Weird, as it's been fine all week. Anyway, familiarity with the programme meant that I could get through it all, make breakfast, morning tea, lunch and get to work on time!

So, one week down and done rather well, I think. Just a slight biscuit mishap on day three. Haven’t really felt hungry and having Sunday to look forward to was fun. I didn't even over-indulge too much on Sunday. A bag of chips, a bowl of lollies and Sweet and sour wontons for tea.

Went for two runs on Sunday which is officially a rest day. A 23-minute run to karate with my daughter and then later in the day a 40-minute run with MD around Ross Creek.

I feel fit and strong and that's only one week. The main thing I'm going to concentrate on this week is eating at the right times.

I sat down on Sunday night, with my bowl of lollies on my lap, and planned my meals for the week ahead. I feel quite virtuous.

Snow?

All good! Food good, exercise good. Really looking forward to Sunday, free day! Chocolate is definitely on the menu.

Hoping for more snow tonight so that I don't have to traipse to Waikouaiti, to watch U10s play rugby, in the morning.

Yum Oh Yum

Just discovered the perfect food. Greek pinwheels in the BfL eating for life book. A rolled tortilla filled with feta cheese, cream cheese, oregano, olives, spinach and a little turkey breast. Beautifully prepared the night before and transported lovingly to work for a mid-morning snack. Oh, truly scrumptious. This will be a life-long favourite.

Twenty minutes on the rower this morning. Feels really hard at the time, but afterwards you look at the clock and think 'Twenty minutes? I feel like I should do more.' That said, I have felt my inner thigh muscles all day.

First slip-day three

Ate lunch, but was still starving, so ate some biscuits. Idiot, they were not even nice biscuits, well actually they were Nice biscuits, but they are not that nice as to be a real treat. After eating them and feeling like a twit I suddenly remembered that I had missed the 10.30am snack, or 'mid meal' as the BfL people like to say. Maybe that was why?

Two full work days ahead, need to be super dee duper ree organised with food. Seem to live at the supermarket, always forgetting this and that. Tomatoes today.

Tired. It was lower body at the gym today, leg weights and lunges, etc. Found it very hard to hit the right level of intensity. Either I am really really strong, I'm not doing the exercises quite right, or I just didn't pick hard enough weights to start with. It's all recorded though, so can adapt for next week.

Settling in

I ended up having company much of the day yesterday which may have saved me from myself. Spent an hour or so checking out more meals to replace yukky ones encountered so far. Made a delicious protein shake with pineapple pieces in it. This might be their saving grace? Make each one a fruit smoothie? For breakfast this morning I had an English muffin with tomato, cheese and bacon on it. I can live with that, yum.

Quite hard to get all the water down. You are meant to have 10 cups a day and I can only get up to 6 or 7. Once 8pm hits I just can't seem to drink any more.

Off to the gym now, lower body weights and then a pilates class. Then study, study, study. I'm back at work for the next two days so will need to be super organized with food.

What I'm liking, so far, about this programme is the lack of exactitude. There are no hard and fast rules on portion sizes and so I never feel as though I am eating too little. It's odd and I can't really explain. I'm certainly not 'cheating' and eating enormous portions but neither do I feel as though I'm doing without. Maybe there is something in this eating every 2 1/2 - 3 hours and the blood sugars do stay stable? Too soon to say, I suppose.

The odd thing is that I don't have working scales and don't intend to weigh myself until the very end of the 12 weeks. This means no progress reports, apart from 'feelings'. I hate those wee numbers and hate myself for believing a certain weight is right or wrong. This means no encouragement, but also means no disappointment. I'm working on fit and toned, not a random number (she says forcefully!).

PS: I did have a full weigh, measure, fat thing happen at my last gym assessment, a couple of weeks ago, so I will have measurements to compare at the end

one down eight-four to go

Ate some ghastly food yesterday. Found that protein shakes are not my thing. But never felt hungry and got to bed safely. One day done well.

Have done my 20 minutes of cardio (seems so little), on a bike today. I'm going with the BfL theory that exercise should be in the morning, prior to eating, and I quite like getting up early. I did feel foolish entering the gym and leaving within 25 minutes though. But it's done.

Study day today, at home.

I think I might be developing an aversion to eggs, as well as protein shakes. I feel slightly queasy after my breakfast, an omelety thing with mushrooms, onions and peppers on a pita bread. All things I like and it looked and smelt great , but now I feel revolted by it. Maybe it's too much having a cooked breakfast. I must explore the book again...

It can only get better

Woke up, alarm had not gone off, 45 minutes late. Period started:-( Too late for gym and so downstairs to new weights bench. None of the exercises I had planned were useable because they relied on gym machinery. So, a very quick remodelling of the programme that I had worked out so beautifully during the weekend. Unfamiliarity with both the equipment and the techniques made me slow, tick-tock, tick-tock.

Raced up stairs at 8.15 to find youngest son still fast asleep! MD thought he could have a wee sleep-in on the first day back to school. NO!!!! Wake gently (do not panic, or yell) breakfast thrust at him; make my own breakfast, no time for a shower, eeewwgh. Fast wash. Throw clothes on. Find food for mid-morning, and lunch. Race, race. Out the door at 8.35. Defrost windscreen. Drop boy at school, race to work (very carefully on icy roads) Park, grab enormous bag of books and lunch, trot to work. 9.05, only 5 minutes late!

Forgot water bottle. But I have begun.

Lesson to learn? Check alarm clock tomorrow morning.

Ready, steady...

Ahh well, the daughter has discovered the blog; hello Zoë! She knows I'm a fool anyway so hopefully nothing too revealing here. I promise not to talk about sex.

Spent most of the weekend reading, rereading and taking notes for the two books I have at home. It is easy, but I feel that I need to have it all sorted to get a good crack at it for the first week. The weights routine, while simple, is just unfamiliar to me and will take a week of two to fall into place. The food again, is simple, but I want to make sure it's all in place and relatively family friendly so I don't have to prepare meals for me and meal for them.

Ate far too much today. Silly and feel like shite. Must remember this feeling, ugh. Then again I'm already looking forward to next Sunday which is the designated 'free' day.

The spare bedroom is now 'Jo's gym'. Weights and bench, swiss ball, skipping rope, stomach wheelie thing(never used) and pilates mat, study desk neatly in the corner.

MD took revolting start photos, begged him not to look, but he said he had to, to aim. Ripped camera off him before he could check the screen and have just uploaded them to my secret space on the computer. Ugh and double ugh. That bikini look is not very flattering. However, bright spot...we went for a run about 7pm this evening and he said he found me intimidating to run with and always feels inferior to me when running, yaah. I felt really strong out there. I know he could run faster than me, but I must make it look easy.

Ohh, it's now Monday morning I am now on the BFL programme! Roll on twelve weeks.

Gearing up

Fridays PT session went really well. I liked Harumi and if I didn't have this body for life thing stuck in my brain, I would be perfectly happy with the programme. But! I have made a (yet another) decision and Monday morning I will ring the gym and ask them to delay my PT sessions for 12 weeks. I'm going to do the body for life thing.

MD is keen and supportive. We have bought a weights bench (Trade me (cheap!)) for both of us to use. I'll probably use the gym more than stuff at home but it will be handy to work out correct form and get the timings right. Very tempted to go the whole hog and get a treadmill while we are at it.

I have even bought some of the protein shake stuff. Hope to only use it once a day and eat real food the rest of the time. I have the eating for life book out form the library too and the food looks scrumptious. I don't want to get caught up in supplements and stuff. I just want to tone up and be really, really, really fit. Roll on Monday.

Decision made?

Dithering over the last few days since reading those Phillips books. I know I am a sucker for a new idea, but those before and after photos are very compelling in a sick way. I know very well that they are the extreme people and there will be thousands if not millions who have done a week or whatever and have little or nothing to show for it. But, I want to do it. But I don't want to muck up prearranged personal training or the body for life by overdoing or mixing and matching programmes.

So two days of mucking and now I have left it too long to cancel my PT session. That decision not made, I am just going to go for gold and try to do it all.

MD has news of an impending karate grading, which will require an immense amount of training on his part too, so maybe we can support each other. We usually run together when he is training but I think we will have to forgo that, as it will be contraindicative to my programme. The idea of 20 mins cardio is very appealing to me.

So, off to PT session this afternoon at 2.30. See how that goes and then I have reams of paperwork and stuff to organise and plan for over the weekend to start ‘body for life’ on Monday. Worried that the weights sessions sound very confusing, especially when I haven’t done free weights for so long. I expect the first few weeks will be awkward as I find my way around a new part of my gym.

An empty house

Bliss, two hours with no one around. Study beckons. A good morning exercise-wise. Another ride down to the gym and then just a little cardio, 20 mins on the treadmill and 5 on the skier, then the real reason for the ride, the 40 minute walk home. The pedometer was working brilliantly and it's about 4,800 steps home. No one up when I arrived so a leisurely breakfast and then back to the gym for my regular pilates class at 11am.

I'm in a seniors class; our gym has only started offering these classes and there weren't any times that suited me and so I am the youngest by 20 years. The instructors Cindy or Stephanee are really good as they come and whisper to me how to 'progress' each move and I end up with quite a nice workout.

Home for lunch and then two sons away with their Granddad for the afternoon and daughter off shopping yet again with friends. The stepchildren haven't arrived yet (tea time) and MD at work and so peace, perfect peace for at least two hours, hurrah! The body for life book has arrived at the library, I'll pick it up at work tonight and then read both the body and the eating books over the weekend and be inspired. I will have ten weeks to make a difference. Exercise is looking good, just need to modify drastically my food inhalations.

A day at home

Usually a study day, but since it's the school holidays the darlings are scattered around and the house isn't conducive to study. I can't bear to go to the library to study as I have enough 'working mother' guilt already. And so, all study is on hold until next weekend.

Had a lovely start to the day with a ride down to MD's work. I trotted over to the gym and did some winter challenge cardio, 20 minutes on the bike and 5 mins on the ski thing and then left all hot and bothered for a 45 minute walk home. Gathered youngest son and back to town to buy this and that; pillow cases, trousers, pedometer and a nifty wee vacuum cleaner for the keyboard.

So the exercise thing is taken care of. Karate tonight as well. But having trouble starting the food thing. I seem to be eating all the 'not so good' foods in the house so that they won't be here to tempt me. I can't quite throw them out, juts hoping not to replace them next time I'm at the supermarket.

Reading Bill Philip's 'Eating for life' and enjoying it but only got it out of the library yesterday so no time for huge food revelations yet. the before and after photos are almost too unbelievable. But little secret hope that maybe if one did it all really, really, well?????

So, all OK. Looking forward to Friday and my new weights programme at the gym. Then I will know I am really on my way. Oh, investigated sun-beds today. I know, I know horrid unhealthy melanoma producing things, but still I want to be brownish rather than translucent white on that beach. eleven weeks away! Start that early August I think. No idea where all the time is going to come from for all this self-indulgence?

Monday, Monday

Super dupes, Monday morning and off to a great start. Down to the gym at 7am and cardio machines only. 10 minutes run at 13km/h, 2.3km from memory. 15 minutes on the bike, not sure of distance, it's all recorded for the winter challenge I'm involved with. A 5-minute walk and then 5 minutes on the ski trainer. Not so bad. Shame I forgot a towel and had to dry off with my sweaty gym clothes. But I did remember all my work clothes and my breakfast. Time for a cup of tea and return DVDs before work at 9am.

Made it out on the bus with no food, always a success! And so, it's 10am and I feel good. Just a day and an evening to go.

Thinking of making another commitment to walking one hour a day-no matter what (for twelve weeks)! Not sure if I can keep it all up, as I'm doing a distance paper for my library studies as well. But I might give it a whirl. Take MD (my darling) and call it relationship maintenance.

All good.

Time to get really serious...

Okey dokey, the weekend is officially over and I am already tired of myself and my self-defeating ways and the fact that I have to think about it all, at all. Discovered far too many blogs by poor, sad, fat or fat-ish people (women) who live their (our, my) sad, pathetic lives dictated to by numbers on scales. We are all so...sad. Bugger, bugger, bugger. What a lot of time and energy is spent on such lot of self-destructive, negative thinking and doing. F**k it all. I'm so annoyed that I am just one of millions.

Wee rant over and back on my treadmill, figuratively speaking, the weekend is indeed over. School holidays have a week to run, but that is just an excuse that I don't even believe. I need to find a little grit in my control centre and practice delayed gratification. Oh yes, it tastes nice and oh yes, I'm bloody hungry (am I?) but damn, oh damn, I really, really want to look great on that beach! Shallow? Ah hah, and that's not the water I'm talking about. Appearances aren't everything. Ugh, uuh, but just this once, on that beach they mean a lot more to me that that bag of chips or second iced, jam bun or lollies, lollies, lollies.

I need seriously to remember that. Tattoo it on my sad arsed brain. Beach, beach, beach. Beach wear! Not much, lots of skin.

So Monday tomorrow, lovely day to re-start a plan. Gym first thing, cardio all the way. Work and home to the darlings. Have appointment with personal trainer on Friday.

Sensible is all I'm aiming at, not starvation. Sigh.

That all said, I had a lovely walk around Portobello today with a friend, a stunning, sunny, winter's day, that's got to be good.

Yes, well...

It's always so hard to change the way you behave. The idea of eating and living a healthy lifestyle is soooo appealing. It's the right thing to do, so why, why, why do I not just do it? One thing I forget so many times, and am always amazed and astounded with the profoundness of it when I 'rediscover' it, is the idea that our bodies are just machines and as such require the right fuel to work at their peak. If it's your car, you wouldn't pour shit, or whatever, into the petrol tank because you know what would happen. You pay out and you put in what the machine requires. I suppose it's a time-frame thing. Crap into a petrol tank gives you such an immediate response whereas with our poor abused bodies it takes years to really mess then up and years to get them right again.

I believe this, so why do I not fuel up properly? Probably because we are not simple machines but complex organisms with shit for brains.

Anyway, school holidays and children around all day means food choices become dumbed down. And I am dumb enough to fall for it.

The start

Grumpy as hell last night as I attempted to modify my Laissez-faire relationship with food. There was this bag of chips just sitting here saying 'Eat me, eat me!’ Instead I growled my way through the evening and retired to bed feeling virtuous, if not satisfied. Attitude change required.

Friday morning a good start at the gym. Ten mins on the treadmill (after warming up), then five mins each on the rower and the stair climber. Whew, I had forgotten how intense the gym could be. This after months of running outside where you can speed up or slow down as terrain and legs dictate. That treadmill with the wee numbers blinking really compels me to complete a time at a speed. It’s like a mini defeat if I have to lower the speed.

This morning I was running at 13km/h for 10 minutes, covered about 2.1km. So things to work on. However, a good start. Had shower and breakfast at the gym and them straight to work.

I have begun.

Time to get serious

My birthday treat this year is a weeks holiday in New Caledonia. And so for the next twelve weeks I am on countdown to be 'holiday ready'. Fit, healthy and hopefully, bikini able. Twelve weeks isn't really long enough, but it's all my head will cope with. I have a goal, I have a plan and now it's just a matter of will power.

I'm starting from a base fitness that is pretty good. I competed in a couple of triathlons over the summer and have continued running a couple of times a week since then. The swimming and biking have gone by the by during winter. I have karate twice a week, with a grading during August, so any improved fitness will be a bonus. I have joined a Winter Challenge at the gym which involves being in a team and lots of cardio workouts as we attempt to bike, run and row the length of New Zealand. Oh, I have a pilates class once a week as well. So the only thing missing, which I haven't paid attention to since before Christmas, is weights and toning. And so, I have a new programme at my gym and Harumi is going to take me though it once a week. Yes, I have succumbed again - a personal trainer. Once a week for ten weeks. If this doesn't make a difference, nothing will!

Oh yes, food...there is that. A slightly modified diet, but no dieting! Just a little more awareness of the crappy snacks that I eat. More water da de da and so on. Onwards!