I just want to lie down

The food thing is going OK, a few illicit mouthfuls yesterday, but generally good-oh. I think, sometimes, it’s luck of the draw as to whether your brain is in the right mode to watch your food intake. I’m trying not to notice it too much, not to think about it, just letting it happen.

I have (pretty much for the first time) asked for my husband’s help (including weighing me once a week – eek!). I usually avoid this as when the inevitable happens and you blow it, someone else is watching and judging (as if you aren’t hard enough on yourself!)

So it is a relaxed MFP (modified food plan, none of this diet nonsense - thank you). I’m eating a lot of the foods I chose to and gently ignoring the others as best as possible.

I have been feeling absolutely shattered, tired, worn out for the last few weeks/months. No idea why (although visiting Dad would have to be one of the most mind and body wearying experiences ever; finding the time, the park, the actual visit, the get-away, and then knowing you have to do it all over again.

I’m fit and healthy and I get enough sleep. But lots of other little things are creeping up on me. My back has been playing up, my right knee is twinging, my left Achilles is tender, and my shoulder is still weak from months ago. Is this old age or am I just falling apart? Whenever I am asked how I am, the answer is always, ‘tired’.

Anyway, I’ve decided to tackle a few more issues while the food thing is happening, so a new book from the library and I am doing back exercises with a vengeance for two weeks to see what will happen. I’m heading down town shortly to buy a new pair of running shoes and see if that helps the knee and Achilles.

The weariness - I’ve bought some multi-vitamins and I’m hoping that cutting out a lot of sugar may help. If not, in a week, or so, I’ll ask for some blood tests. I’ve been on thyroid pills for 10 years or so and maybe the dosage needs to be adjusted again.

I should be bouncing of the walls! I want to be bouncing of the wall.

Lunch @ 3

A healthy lunch or a quick blog?

Hey, I can do both.

Begin again

Well it’s twelve weeks all over again! The original intent of this blog was to give me somewhere to blather on about weight and fitness stuff in an effort to tone up for a beach holiday in lovely Noumea, New Caledonia. It worked a treat and I wore a bikini for the first time ever.

Since then I have been keeping fighting fit; running, walking, karate, back at the gym and so on…But my food habits have deteriorated: little treats have become regular fixtures, impulse thoughts have been realised all to quickly. Too much rubbish going in leaving little room or inclination to eat healthy food.

My weight is relatively stable, up and down a few kg now and then. But I really can’t help thinking that with all the exercise I do it should show up a little ‘less’ on the scales. I know I have muscles to die for, I know I have stamina aplenty; I’m even relatively toned (except for that damn baby producing stomach bit!).

And so, for the next few weeks (Lent seems a particularly good time to be mindful) I shall be mindful of my food. I’ll stop buying and eating crap and I will eat well. I’d rather tell you my age (44) than my weight (?) and so it will remain a mystery and I’ll let you know if it decreases.

Me and mine

This is me, my three siblings, my four children, four nephews and one niece. Very male. Visiting baby brother and child free dude is on the very right in the brown t-shirt.

Baby brothers

My brother is home for couple of weeks. He lives in Australia and I haven’t seen him for three years, when he came over for my wedding. We’ve just returned from a BBQ out at my sisters house this evening; a typical Dunedin BBQ, we started off outside on the deck and then retreated inside as the rain began.

My three siblings were there and for a change all nine of our children were there as well as our spouses/partners. So, we took the opportunity to take a few photos, as you never know when someone will die :-)

Nigel is my youngest brother (41) and he lives a happy-go-lucky life in Australia with his partner Janine. He intends to never have children, and it seems to work for him. His two nieces and five nephews think he is wonderful (so young looking and so many ‘toys’!) and my two older boys want to emulate his life ‘when they grow up’. They obviously are looking hard at my life and thinking that they would rather not duplicate it.

It was a funny get-together; my father wasn’t there, as he is still in hospital. We had a short discussion as to how to handle this stage of our dad’s life – with a few differences of opinion. Shortly afterwards my sister Deborah’s father-in-law left for home. He’s older than my dad, but more sprightly – I hope we didn’t scare him off with all the talk of rest homes, hospital, and the general degeneration of dad’s affairs.

Pix later, as I left the camera at work.

Chinny chin chin

That's four moany posts in a row, and so, I'll lift my chin a litttle higher and think of other things to talk about.

No time to breathe

I like a 'sit down' every now and then, and if I don't get one, each day, I get grumpy.

I need a lot of alone time.

I should have plenty of time alone as I don't work Tuesdays or Wednesdays. The house should be mine and mine alone.

But since Christmas it has been pretty full, day in and day out, with various varieties of children.

Time away at the bus conference was good, but I was sharing a room with my boss, so the only alone time was when I was swimming, running, or at the gym...no 'sit down'.

My dad is in hospital at the moment, as well, and so, guilt ridden as I am about most things, I feel that I have to visit every day - sometimes twice a day - and do stupid little chores like; checking his phone, mail, buying the odd piece of fruit, etc.

I have a stack of books beside my bed and I seem to have no time to read them.

I have no time to do this stupid blog.

I feel like I have no time to breathe.

I want a 'sit down' and yet I know if I get the time I won't use it wisely.

(So (S) please don't offer me one, because it's not yours to offer!)

Get over it

There is nothing in the rule book that says you have to be a miserable old sod when you are ill, is there?

I'm sure that ill people are allowed to be cheerful - pain relief allowing it even?

No one is going to kick you out of hospital because you crack a smile are they?

And I am really, really, really, really, bloody sick of hearing about my father bowels and whether or not his 'visit' to the toilet was successful.

DOES HE THINK I"M A NURSE?

DOES HE THINK I GIVE A SHIT? - Which, apparently, he doesn't-just in case you wondered.

Split shifts suck

I work a pitiful amount of hours a week. But, no matter how little I do, I detest Friday because it just goes on, and on, and on, forever. Oddly enough, Friday mornings are the best bit of my working week. But it goes shitey after that because I finish at 1pm and then I have to start again at 5.30pm.

So, I get home in time to grab some lunch, go pick up the school kids, chat a little, Blog a little, and then it’s time to go back to work. It’s the same number of hours as a ‘real’ day and yet I’m at the library or on the bus from 8.30am - 8.15 pm. What a drag.

Pix is from a previous night stop I used to do, not the one I do tonight, but you get the idea. It’s night, there’s a bus, some people, and lots of books…it’s got to be good, huh?

Hospital visits are so dull

My dad is in hospital. Pancreatitus and gall stones. He's been miserable for months (not with this, just general oldness and misery) and it's actually a bit of a relief to have him somewhere where people are paid to fuss, feed, and tend to him and I can just visit.

He had an 'assisted shower' yesterday, probably the most fun he has had for years :-)
"Oh, yes, just a little lower, Oh yessss!" Ugh.

Yesterday I:
Visited dad (1am)
Visited dad (7am)
Worked
Morning coffee with sister
Worked
Lunched with sister and niece
Visited dad (2pm)
More coffee
Picked up daughter from dentist
Picked up son from school
Blogged :-)
Went to dad's house to cancel cleaner, gardener, meals on wheels, craft group, newspaper, etc...
Rang relatives to update them
Dropped daughter at her dad's- to play with Phoebe :-)
Karate
Picked up daughter from her dad's- I played with Phoebe
Shower
Chat, chat, chat
Bed.

I forgot about tea somehow and figured dad in hospital cost me about $30 bucks today in coffees, lunches and parking fees that I wouldn't normally have had. Am I a scrooge to think such thoughts? I imagine my pitiful work day didn't even cover it.

Dad a couple of months ago and slightly more cheerful.

Waitangi Day

Waitangi Day is a public holiday in New Zealand, it celebrates the signing of the Waitangi Treaty in 1840. The treaty is an accord between the Maori and the English settlers promising certain things to each party including:

• Sovereignty of New Zealand to the Queen of England
• A guarantee to the chiefs of continued chieftainship and ownership of their lands and treasures. Specifying that Maori can only sell their land to the Government
• Guarantee to all Maori the same rights as other British people.

Unfortunately the treaty is written in English and Maori and the two versions don’t quite translate as the same thing.

Anyway it all worked OK for about 10-15 years before the flood of incoming settlers encouraged the government to allow companies to take over land settlement; this meant huge rip-offs for Maori, resulting in war, and eventually a downtrodden race.

It's taken a turn for the better since the 1975 when the government recognised the treaty and allowed it to become part of the law and Maori could claim settlements for past wrongs. There is a long way to go and there will always be grievances, but we are trying and it's probably better than the Australians and Americans are doing with their indigenous people?


Anyway it’s a public holiday and it was a bonny day so we went to the beach. Brighton Beach. And so did a lot of other people. Took our body boards and caught some great waves, Wheeeew!

Pounawea

We took the chance of a last gasp weekend away before the children are all back at school for the year. Pounawea is the Catlins, about a 90 minute drive south from Dunedin.

The weather was perfect and we had a swim each day. The miracle of the weekend was seeing Jack conquer his fear of water and swim, jump and play with the rest of us in the Owaka River. It is part of a vast tidal lagoon, so the water is salty and the tidal changes are huge. He wore a wetsuit, but Seán, Zoë and I just wore our togs.The seal got a bit confused and headed towards the children’s playground instead of the open sea. There are plenty of fur seals over the lagoon, but it’s very rare to see one in Pounawea itself!